Jeff here. Read this. I hope it makes you laugh. Just an average Tuesday of writing for me, haha.
Cam and Cal’s Peephole
By: Jeffrey Joseph Barbieri
“Bro, this is like, the most ingenious idea we’ve ever had,” Cam said from his seat at the desk as Cal stood in the doorway, heavy duty drill in hand.
“Dude, I don’t think we are s’posed to have power tools in the dorms,” Cal replied with a smirk. “Ahaha, fuck it bro, the deed is done now.”
They had drilled as far as they could from their side first, but the thickness of the cinderblock had forced them to finish the job from the girls’ room itself.
“Haha, how dumb do these bitches have to be, to leave their door unlocked when they go to pregame in Bobby’s room?” Cal said as he removed his black ski mask and placed the flashlight and drill down on his own desk.
“Yeah, bra, pretty fuckin’ dumb. But they are fuckin’ hot, dude!” Cam went up for a high five with his roommate, which always segued into their secret bro handshake.
“It was pretty dark in there, bro, I hope I drilled in the right spot, Cal said as Cam lifted the poster of two chicks making out to check their side of the hole.
“Yeah, you can totally see all the way through, I can see their clock glowing!” Cam replied, and went up for another high five. “I CANNOT wait for these slampieces to get back, dude.”
“DUUUDE, Abby is so hawwwwttttt, can’t wait to see them tittayyyyyss,” Cal indulged, checking out their little piece of handiwork for himself and coming away satisfied.
The two bros chilled for a while and quickly rushed to the poster when they heard the girls giggling out in the hall. “Dude, be patient,” Cam said, “we gotta give ‘em time to settle in.” Cal checked quickly to see that light was shining through the hole, but didn’t dare a look through.
After a bit of anxious waiting, Cal called out “TITTIES, HOOOOO!” as he leaned in to take the inaugural look through the peephole. Eye to the hole, he found himself staring intensely for a moment at a monstrous and hairy penis, most likely belonging to Bobby or his roommate, who lived on the OTHER side of Cam and Cal.
“GAHHH!” Cal screamed in recoil, slamming the poster down on the hole as if to keep out some sort of toxic gas.
“What is it?!” Cam demanded, anxious to see his own bit of genital glory.
“No no no no no, DUDE, there’s a DICK in there!” Cal warned in terror. Slowly in dawned on Cam and Cal the mistake they had made.
“You drilled on the wrong wall, you douche-burger!” Cam lashed out.
“HEY MAN, you’re not the one who got front row seats to pube shavers in-concert!” Cal retorted, clearly frustrated by his error.
“Man, we fucked up big time, bro,” Cam said, calming down.
“Yeah… maybe we shouldn’t have done this while we were high.”
“Word. “But hey, let’s make a pact to never speak of this to ANYONE,” Cam said, and they sealed it with a bro shake.
Then came a pounding on the door. “HEY QUEERS, YOU’VE GOT SOME EXPLAINING TO DO!” The voice was Bobby’s.
Finger-to-nose, Cal said with a smirk, “Not it.”
